Monday 18 May 2009

tired...

I'm not depressed. but simply feeling very tired, very drained. I seem to be 'working' so hard day in day out, just trying to meet everybody's expectations of me. and yet it's like I'm never even close to meeting them. Funny thing is, I've never had any problems meeting, or even exceeding, expectations when at work. Yet I cant seem to fulfill my duties as a daughter, a wife, a sister and a mother.....

and now it seems like even my kids' hv their own expectations of me! I'm really very tired.

Sunday 17 May 2009

Is he giving up?

I feel very sad just writing the title of this post. I really hope he's not. He's my strength to push on with him. pain...

last night we had dinner at Dr 6 coffee shop. While eating, Dad asked if we could go to the clinic to get more painkillers from Dr Lau. Apparently he's getting the pain in his thigh again lately, especially at night and it's disturbing his sleep. Told him we had to wait till Monday as Dr Lau has to be the one to sign the prescription and not the other doctors.

Mum asked why his pain is not going off? while we explained to her, dad suddenly said, "哎呀,算了啦。最好是可以睡了就不再起来,这样最好了。"!!!! I was shocked, but mum seemed calm? She just softly said, "娃娃还没有生叻,还有弟弟还没有读完大学叻。"(娃娃 is referring to my newly-wedded niece, while 弟弟 is my nephew whom they raised fm bb just like their youngest son) I joined in and said, "不要乱讲啦,你还要抱曾孙啦。还要跟弟弟拍毕业照啊。你还有很多事还没做完啦!" He simply laughed it off...

I seriously dunno what this pain in his thigh is. Xray has showed nothing in his bones. But since the last visit to the NCC, and after what the doctors said, I'm wondering if there's some cancer cells in his lymphatic system around that area too that's causing him pain and discomfort. I seriously hope it is not.

Pray that he's fine, pray that he has lesser pain. But...who do I pray to? Maybe to my grandparents? Pray that they'll lessen his suffering and let him spend more time with us. Pray.............

Friday 15 May 2009

Mother....

accompanied her to CGH for her follow-up from previous gastro-endoscopy. Doc said everything looked fine. Her stomach lining tho still a little inflammed, but is recovering. No other major issues. But my dear mother is still complaining of on-and-off abdominal pain, especially in the middle of the night. She said the pain in on the upper right side of her tummy. doc checked and said she cant feel anything out-of-the-norm there but to be save, mum shd go for an abdominal ultrasound to rule out any abnormalities. So she'll be doing it on 1 June, then go back to see the doc again 2 wks after.


We went to Pu Tien Restaurant for their hi-tea buffet with 1st and 4th sis after the appt. The spread was not fantastic, but it's still ok for $10.80 per pax if you love 'la la' and can eat. We didn't eat a lot but was already full to the brim! Probably we're all getting old, reduced appetite. Mum and 1st sis didn't feel well after the meal, and sis actually threw up! Not bcos the food is unhygienic, but think she ate too full. Anyway, the company was good, so doesn't matter if we didn't enjoy the meal.

Tuesday 12 May 2009

It's been one year....

last year today was a really painful day for me. Time flies and it's been a year. This one year has been draining. I feel myself aged, and my body seems to be getting weaker. But I'm glad and thankful that Dad's health is under control now and he's enjoying everyday he has with us.

nag nag nag....

find myself so naggy nowadays. nag at the kids, nag at the folks, nag nag nag.... only person I cant nag at is my pay-master. hahaha...

had so much headache having 3 of them at home together yesterday. Imagine a 13yo shouting 'NOT FAIR' just bcos his 7yo brother has no exams?! Then it's story book/magazine hidden inside their textbook/file when they're supposed to be revising/memorising their school work. why do all kids do that? I dun remember myself doing that though, or maybe I didn't even hv any storybooks to start with. I nag till I'm so sick of my own voice already...............

today my 13yo starts his first sec sch exams. He said he knows his work already. I hope he really does. Have been very liberal with him this year and hoping for him to be more mature and independent. This exam will be a proof for him to gain my trust further and be given more leeway in handling his studies on his own. Hope he wont disappoint me.

Sunday 10 May 2009

Mother's Day


We had a simple celebration for Mother's Day yesterday. It's been a long time ago that we celebrated Mother's Day outside. The extended family has grown so big, plus it's getting so difficult to get everyone together at a specific timing. So for these past few years, we've been doing it at home.

This year it's a long celebration. It stretched from lunch thru dinner, and everyone only left at midnight. What a long day! And I'm getting lazier, so food is getting simpler too. Hey, it's tiring entertaining people you know?

Anyway, the happiest are definitely my folks. It's always a happy event for them having everyone over. And they had a great time reminiscing good old times watching videos of my wedding, my bro's wedding and their bangkok trip in the 90s!

Thursday 7 May 2009

时间不够用

钱不够用,还能说多做几份兼职来帮补。那时间不够用该怎么办呢?每天忙进忙出,一整天下了,都不知道自己做了些什么?家里、孩子、父母等等等等,天天都好像有做不完的事。可是要具体列出这些事却又写不出来?天啊!我到底在忙些什么?几时我才能有自己的时间、自己的空间?唉。。。

梁大导演也许应该想想,往这个题材搞部电影吧?哈哈。。

Tuesday 5 May 2009

sigh...

Lung - 17x20mm increase to 20x22mm

Neck - left, 1-1.5cm, 3-0.5cm; right, 1-1cm

repeat CT scan on 21/7/09, doctor's appt 28/7/09.

doctor's words, "....have to consider his age and quality of life now......if symptoms are not affecting him badly, it's better to leave it alone first and monitor...I believe we have an understanding that it cant be treated, and treatments given were just to control the spread....to give treatment again may mean affecting his current quality of life...."

SIGH........SIGH........SIGH.......................................

Friday 1 May 2009

reminiscing...


Went to Bookpoint at Bras Basah Complex to search for 2nd hand books for the boys. While searching I found these that brought back memories!

"The Enchanted Island" - first literature text I encountered in secondary one. "Cry, the Beloved Country" was studied in secondary two. Then secondary three was "Julius Caesar", followed by the most dreaded "The Merchant of Venice" for O levels. It's amazing I could still find the exact edition of the books which I've used before!

These classic literature are definitely a keeper. Think I'll probably re-read "Cry" again, but definitely not those Shakespeare plays. Hmm...who knows? one of my boys may take fancy in these classic literature?