Saturday, 2 August 2008


...sometimes just creeps up fm nowhere and overwhelms one.

was browsing some online fashion stores looking for suitable dress for niece's wedding in Dec. Suddenly a thot just creeped up fm nowhere. Will Dad be able to live up till her wedding??? Fear just engulfed me....

I know it's very negative of me to think this way. But I dunno. As much as I try to be positive and 'pray' that miracle will happen, I can't help but hv this fear that he'll not be with us for very long. Never hv I ever felt that my parents meant so much to me till this thing happened. I realise I am so afraid of losing them. I hate myself for not spending enough time with them. I hate myself for being so defiant when I was younger. I hate myself for being so helpless......

Just called Dad and spoke to him. 3rd sis drove them out for lunch at Changi V this afternoon. And he just had home cooked dinner. He sounded very cheerful. Made me recall what he said to me 2 days ago. He said, if he doesn't get cured, at least he knows he has tried but Heaven thinks his time is up. He'll just need to leave his final words on a couple of things, then his last wish is for a quick and easy end. He said he has no regrets and he is very happy to know that he has raised righteous and filial children and even grandchildren. He is at peace with life now and he will be ready when the time is up, although he is not giving up as yet.

As his daughter, it pains me to hear him say such things. But it's also relieving to know that he has come to terms with the whole thing. I'm not so sure about myself tho. As it is, I dun think I've come to terms with the whole issue and I'm not sure if I'll be calm enough to let him go when the time is here. I'm so scared.............

Chicken pox!!

Nic had slight fever on Wed night thru Thu morning. We thot it's just the common cold since he had some sniffing too. Ina found quite a number of red spots on his legs and cheek and we thot he was attacked by mosquitoes.

Then on Thu night, we found more red spots on his groin and neck. On close inspection, I was certain it's chicken pox though the blister hasn't appeared yet. Brought him to GP first thing on Fri morning. It was confirmed with the first blister showing on his forehead just hiding behind his hairline!

Luckily, the older boys had their taste of chicken pox already when they were much younger. I had mine some 15yrs ago. Mum also supposedly had her chicken pox and even the shingles. But Dad is not sure if he had it before. Checked with the GP and the NCCS hotline, and they all suggested separating Dad fm Nic as Dad's immunity is low and any form of infection may cause more serious problems. So out of desperation, had to send Dad (and Mum of course) to eldest sis' house. They've lived there prior to moving in with me, so that's where they felt most comfortable going back to. They'll hv to stay there till Nic's chicken pox all dried up (probably in a weeks' time) and certified non-contagious. Then I'll fetch them back again. Sorry.

Back to the little one. Never have I known that he's such a vain pot! He's so concious about the pox surfacing on his face! I've warned him to abstain fm scratching as breaking the blisters may mean leaving a possible permanent scar on his skin. This little devil took it so seriously, that he's getting upset over every new spot we found on him! haha...dunno to laugh or cry. This is a boy we're talking about and he's so concious over his looks. But that's quite like Drew when he was young (or even now).

Anyway, thus far, his outbreak is still quite alright. We counted 44 spots as of last night. Dunno if it's the anti-viral medicine (cost me $45 a bottle!!) that the GP prescribed, or his is just not a very full blown chicken pox. Or maybe it's the chicken pox vaccination he had in 2003 that's suppressing it to a smaller scale outbreak? But..but...isn't the vaccination suppose to prevent him fm getting it at all?? So much for trusting all these vaccinations!? They dun work all the time either. sigh...

Now I have headache. I'll be striped to this little monster for 24/7 for a WHOLE WEEK!!! or even more if his pox takes longer to dry up. What am I to do with a little devil who goes around saying he's bored every half hour?? OH MY GOD!!

Friday, 1 August 2008

2nd cycle started

Dad saw his doctor on Tue, and his blood tests results all turned out well. This means his body has not been badly affected by the chemo drug and he can continue to go on the 2nd cycle. Arrangement was made and he had the 1st dose on the same day. Everything went well during treatment and Dad was high spirited.

His appetite seems so good the last whole week, maybe bcos it's the rest wk of his chemo cycle. He's been asking for different things. He wanted to eat the Telok Kurau hokkien fried prawn noodle but twice we went there, they were closed. So we had the famous Beach Rd prawn/pork rib beehoon soup. Then he asked for pork kidney and I cooked it twice in a week for him. On Monday he actually asked for pig's heart! So I bought one and double-boiled with American ginseng for him. The way he craved for food is a bit like a preggie mommy's craving leh. haha... but it's great to see him craving for food. It's definitely better than seeing him no appetite and chewing bread with milk only. Hope his appetite will continue to be good.