Does it resemble?

Dad's favourite recliner chair

And the paper recliner we burnt for him. Does it resemble?

As per Taoist customary, we have prayer for Dad on 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th week of his death at the crematorium. We usually will buy some paper offerings such as 'gold', 'silver' and 'hell notes' and burn for him.

Today is the 5th week, and we had the prayer as usual. We know he'll 'need' his favourite recliner, so we got him a replica. Cool right? Anything you want, they'll produce for you. We had, during his funeral, burnt mahjong set, DVD player, LCD TV, portable CD player, mobile phone, passport, air ticket, motorcycle, a 'Mercedes Benz' and a 3-storey house!! And 30 over huge bags of 'gold', 'silver' and hell notes. Nic joked that his 外公 is gonna be so rich that he can become a banker. haha...

Now we're just short of getting him his own private jet. hee...

五个星期过去了，我心里还是一片空白。很多事情要做，很多东西要处理，可是精神就是集中不来。晚上一直发些莫名其妙的梦，睡也睡不好，醒来后心情就很烦躁。

也许我真的该到海边去，把心里的愤怒、悲哀、郁闷一并发泄出来。我快压抑得喘不过气了！

He's a star!

This little devil was given an award for his consistent good work this year!

There's no examination for P1 kids in his school, so they were assessed through their daily class work, weekly spelling and ad hoc tests.

I've to say that this is solely his own effort that's paid off. I've not done any extra work with him. In fact, we did not even finish a quarter of those assessment books we bought. All I did was just check that he had finished him daily work and studied for his spelling. The rest was up to him. Felt a little guilty not doing anything for him. He really deserves a pat on his shoulder. We're proud of him.

Keep it up, Xiaobudian! Continue to persevere and keep up your desire for excellence. You've a long way to go! Love you.

缘

早上去巴刹，鱼贩JANE问妈妈心情好些了吗？谈话间，她说自己觉得很遗憾，没能到爸的灵堂上柱香。跟着她就跑去买了一些冥纸，托我帮她烧给爸。她说：＂。。我很早就没有父亲了，所以你爸爸给我一种很慈祥的感觉。。。唉，真的很心痛。。＂我只能以一声＂谢谢＂感激她对爸爸的厚爱。

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上星期，煤气店老板送煤气到大姐家，便问大姐，爸爸身体好些吗？当被告知爸已过世，他先是惊讶，转而惋惜。从二十出头的小伙子到现在五十多了，他认识我爸也三十多年了。所谓日久生情，也有了一定的＇感情＇吧。对老人家的离去，也有些许难过。

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一个认识了三十多年、一个认识不到三年。两人却同样对爸爸有着一种无法解释的＇情＇。也许这就是缘吧？

It's exactly a month already....

..and the pain is still so intense.

At that exact time last night, I was unable to fall asleep. I was silently sobbing in bed, not because of him, but something else. Suddenly I recalled, a month ago, that time, we were surrounding him, sending him off with so much pain and tears. And then the thing I was sad about became so insignificant, so minute, compared to our lost.

I stopped sobbing and told myself I've to be strong, because I've a father who'd been so strong and resilient all his life.

I love you, 爸爸.

are these really his messages to us?

got this message from Hui yesterday:

"Aunt carol, I dreamt about waigong. He was telling me he had just moved into his new house a few days ago. He was also walking like he used to when he was younger, full of vigour. Told us all not to worry."

Is Dad really trying to get the message to us? Is he really conveying all these messages to let us know he's fine? I do hope so.

原来我还是那么脆弱

这两个星期我都没什么哭了，原以为眼泪已经哭干了，原来不是的。昨晚妈才去哥那里住几天，我的眼泪都回来了！

原来妈妈成了我泪泉上的一个栓子，她在的时候，就栓住了，眼泪就不流了。她一走开，我又失去了控制心情的力量。

我觉得我好失败！一直劝哥哥姐姐们不要难过、不要哭，因为爸不要看到我们哭泣。结果呢？我自己却控制不了自己的泪水。爸，对不起，我好没用啊！

A friend messaged me last night after I updated on facebook. She said she sensed Dad and he asked her to tell me,

"... your dad saw u there.. but that you need to let go..he says to take care of yur loved ones ( i sense he is esp refering to a female, not sure if its yr mom? or an elderly someone female .. he says he is fine and will be fine. "

well, I know there are pple out there who can 'sense' things or 'see' things. Usually, my logical self will always brush these off as their own imaginations. However, in this case, my emotional self has the upper hand and chose to believe that that's really what Dad wanted to tell me.

爸，我会放下的，给我一些时间，我会做到的。你放心，我们会照顾好妈妈的，绝对不会让你失望。我永远永远都会记住和你一起的日子。我永远爱你！

I love Mum

Went to Mum's room to check the calendar just now and this was what I found.

She probably scribbled this onto the calendar. She misses him so much. I feel her pain, but I wont be able to understand how she's feeling now. 56-57yrs together, it's hard for us to understand.

爸，妈真的好想你。你到她梦里跟她再见一面，让她放心好吗？好吗？

Were you really there?

Brother came to fetch Mum just now. And he sat us down to tell us some things that went on earlier this week when they were helping out at the village temple.

The village God's birthday was on Monday, 9 Nov. He, SIL and god-nephew were helping out with preparation work at the temple till late on Sunday. They were hanging around and chit-chatting with god-brother's parents until nearly 11pm before they left. On Tue, god-nephew told Ting and god-brother's Mum that he actually saw Dad standing outside at the backyard late on Sunday night while they were chatting!!? And when Brother heard this, he questioned him, was he sure? He described that Dad was wearing exactly the same like we dressed him after he passed away. And that on Monday night, he saw Dad again when the priest was doing the prayers in the temple!? Is this real?

Well, it's been known for sometime that this god-nephew of ours seems to be able to 'see' things. So really wonder if he did see Dad at the temple. Anyway, if it's true, we're not surprised at all. Dad's been helping out at the temple since it was set up in 1972. It has grown to become part of him. It's the place where he can feel the connection with his hometown in China. All his plants are there too. In fact, we've been speculating that he's been struggling to hold on his life over the last few months just to wait for the village God's birthday. And if there wasn't 闰五月this year, then he would have lived past the God's birthday. This probably is the only regret that he had when he passed away...

爸，你真的到濠浦社去了吗？真的吗？
我好想你。。。。