Monday, 28 July 2008


PSLE Prelim is just 21 days away and my dear Drew is still so relaxed, so nonchalant and so happy-go-lucky. I wonder when his luck is gonna run out!? He's a smart boy and grasps whatever he's taught very quickly. But his lack of focus is gonna pull him down if he doesn't work on it. I've done whatever I can. Nag, counsel, scold, psycho, threaten......whatever you can think of. If only he would 'wake up' now and put in the extra effort to revise and push himself that extra step forward, he'll do well. but.......


now hub is making them read to him in the study. they'll only sit up straight when their father starts talking very seriously. He's still the one they fear even tho he never cane or discipline them, and always playing a fool with them. Guess they've found my weakness and knows how to play around it to get their way out of any disciplinary action fm me. But when hub gets serious, they know it's no time for fun.

the number of grey hair on my head is increasing fast. so fast I cant even cover it with hairdye fast enough! faint!

It's P1 registration for Nic!

Time flies! My littlest devil is already 6yo and it's the time of the year for P1 registration. Had registered him at C Pri thru siblings registration at Phase 1. But we've decided to withdraw and send him to EP Pri instead. Simple reason. I dun want to be driver for another 6 years!!! EP Pri is within walking distance, so will be a lot more convenient. Both schools are neighbourhood schools, so shd be no difference ba. Anyway, it is not the school that makes the difference, but the child himself and the family support that's more important. Ok, I'm comforting myself and reassuring my choice. hee...


Last week was a rest week for Dad's chemotherapy cycle. Initial few days he was still having quite a bit of water retention, esp on his feet. They were so swollen and he had problem walking properly. His appetite was bad and he felt tired and had chills.
By Tue/Wed, his water retention subsided and he was more energetic. He could walk around more freely and had lesser problem walking up the stairs. Yesterday bro fetched them to town. It's been nearly a month since Dad went to the temple. He must hv missed his flowers and plants there so much.
His appetite also returned, but it's like one meal he'll be able to eat better, then the next meal he'll only have a beverage and bread/biscuits. Didn't want to force him bcos I know he will eat if he is up to it. Like the last 3 days, he's been eating quite well. Had chicken rice on Sat, Henghua food on Sun and 'kway chap' today!
The tiring part is having to constantly remind Mum not to nag so much at Dad. She's doing it out of concern, but it just irritates Dad. Just got to keep talking to her and reminding her.
Tomorrow Dad will be going for his doctor's appointment. If his blood test results are ok, he'll start his 2nd cycle on Wed. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that all is well.
Oh, he just had his hair cut this afternoon. So neat and tidy, and he still look good despite losing quite a lot of weight.
Pray that he'll be able to take the 2nd cycle as well as the 1st.

Sunday, 20 July 2008

忍一时 风平浪静
退一步 海阔天空
this is a reminder to myself.

ok, I'm sorry if I've snapped yesterday. To whoever, for whatever reason. Stress? maybe. Medication? possible. Tired? highly likely. I think I found the reason for the stupid eczema on my face. and fyi, I hate my hair!!

Nothing seems to be going well. I need time to come to a standstill. I need more time for all that I need to do. I'm running out of time. I WANT TO RUN AWAY!!! I'm a lousy daughter, lousy wife, lousy mother, lousy woman......I'm feeling so lousy. sigh.....

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Nice to hear them squabbling again

Ya, sounds funny right? But in time like this, it's always nice to hear Dad and Mum squabbling over trivial matters again. This means Dad is fine! hee...

Dad's pain lasted about 2 days and it subsided by Sunday afternoon. The hot pack helped in soothing his pain. But he was still lethargic and not much appetite. Bro bought Henghua noodles and stew tofu for him and he ate about 3/4 soup bowl of a mixture of the two. In the evening, he only wanted sweet potato soup. When Mum came back around 9plus, she insisted that he ate something else before he slept. So I made him the multigrain cereal that sis bought and gave him a slice of bread to go with it.

Dad said the whole Saturday night, Mum was fussing over him. Everytime he woke up to go toilet, she'll get up and walk behind him!! Guess she's really worried that he might fall down. Poor her, cant even rest properly.

Sunday, 13 July 2008

In pain...

Jus when we thot everything looks fine, Dad woke up with aching right leg yesterday. He had pain on the side of his right knee and foot. Took him quite a bit of effort to walk downstairs and even going to the toilet, he needed Mum's help. But he didn't complain much, and didn't want to take pain killer when I offered him. Got a hot pack fm the pharmacy to help sooth the pain. It worked for short term relief.

His appetite is also getting bad. I tried talking him into eating small meals or at least drink milk to keep up his nutrition. Can see that he's forcing himself to down the food that we give him. Checked and he confirmed that his throat and mouth are fine, no sores or anything. Just that he doesn't feel hungry or urge to eat at all.

Then it's his skin. Getting very dry and itchy. As I've told him not to scratch, he jus 'strokes' his hands and legs when the itch comes. This also caused his skin to have a rash. The inner side of his arms, thighs and body are all big patches of redness. Looking at it already send my skin itching, wonder how Dad could withstand it. Bought Cetaphil cleansing lotion for his shower and applied Jergens super heal moisturising lotion for him. His skin seems less flaky and he said the itch is lesser. But wondering if he's just saying it so that I wont be so worried. Also checked with Cat last night and confirmed that it shd not be allergic reaction to any medicine.

Thankfully this time round, Dad has no fever. Though he felt a bit 'warm' in the afternoons, but temperature checks record no fever. One consolation. Jus hv to continue monitoring him.

I think the word WORRIED is definitely 'written' all over my face. Dad seems to be reassuring me again and again that he's not worried and he's positive about the whole treatment. He kept telling me not to be worried. Do I really look very worried? Maybe...

Thursday, 10 July 2008

Feeling good...

Dad had his 2nd dose of chemotherapy yesterday. Can feel that he's more relaxed this round. Probably he's more prepared and knows what to expect already. We even had mee siam before going up to the treatment suite. He said this 2nd dose seems 'smoother' than the 1st one. He didn't feel any pain or burning sensation when the drug was administered. In fact he managed to take a quick nap! That was something positive right? After the treatment, we had lunch out with Mum and Drew. Dad could finish the whole bowl of Teochew fish porridge which I ordered for him. Glad that his appetite is still ok. He had a nap in the afternoon and didn't had any side effects at all.

This morning he only woke up around 8am. He told me that he has removed the wedge cushion last night and managed to sleep thru the night without any cough. Looks like the water retention in his right lung has subsided. Good news! Having had a good night's rest, Dad was so energetic and happy today. Eldest sis and 3rd sis came to have lunch with us. Dad managed to finish 3/4 plate of chicken rice and half cup of coffee. Seeing him so energetic and good appetite, we also felt relieved. In the afternoon, he didn't nap much as he didn't feel tired. He even ate the ondeh ondeh and kueh kosui which I bought fm Bengawan Solo. He happily told me that he believe the medicine is working effectively, that's why his cough has reduced and he's not feeling lethargic. Let's hope he's right.

Pray, pray, pray for a miracle to happen! I pray for him to live a few more years to witness Char's wedding and Seth's graduation. Pray............

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

another worry...

Yesterday on the way sending Mum to clinic, chatted with her about Dad. She's worried about the water retention in his lungs and I was trying to explain to her to calm her. But she surprised me when she said that she's wondering if the growth in Dad's lung was cancer??!! Was shocked, but got to hide my feelings by telling her not to think too much.

Then this afternoon spoke to 2nd sis and she said Mum told her the same thing! Mum said that her fren's late husband had the same problem and was diagnose as cancer. She even said that the treatment was similar. I'm wondering if Mum has actually guessed that we're lying to her, or maybe she thot that the doctors didn't tell us the truth??

sigh....wonder how she'll react when she knows the truth? headache.....


Feeling so exhausted. Seemed so busy last few days. Monitoring Dad's fever and thankfully it subsided pretty quickly and he's feeling better now after using the wedge cushion to sleep the last few days. His cough is lesser and 'shorter' too. But his appetite is still so-so and weight seems to be going down still. Tomorrow he'll be going for the 2nd dose of the chemo cycle. Pray that his body will take it as well as the 1st dose.

Kids are still so nonchalant about their school work. Looks like I got to start the total ban on their games again! They're running so short of time but not kancheong at all. Or are they stressed out that they choose to ignore the timeline? hmm...whatever it is, I think I still have to put more pressure on them. Rather they suffer now, than to suffer the results of their attitude later.

Feeling so lethargic. Better go pop my multivits and ginseng tea. I CANT AFFORD TO FALL SICK!!!! Not at least till after Oct.....sad hor?

Friday, 4 July 2008

no good...

This morning Dad seemed fine, so I brought him out for coffee and toast. After he came back, he seemed a bit breathless. Then he napped on the sofa till about 2pm. He said he has no appetite, so jus ate a slice of bread and coffee. Then went back to sleep again. Jus now he woke up to go to the loo and told me that he's still feeling breathless and feverish too. Took his temperature and it was 38.6 degree Celsius. Gave him 2 panadol and now he's resting on his recline chair. Gonna monitor his fever closely and hopefully it'll subside.


Thursday, 3 July 2008

Do people still proofread or edit stuff??!!

Can you see what's wrong with this 歇后语? I was quite surprise to spot the mistake bcos this 歇后语 was in this primary guide book published by a long standing Chinese school/guide books publisher! How can they mix up the 布料的布 and 脚步的步?? It's totally different thing! Gosh! 真是误人子弟啊!!

Then yesterday, while flipping the newspapers, I spotted something else that made me burst out laughing!!

Can you see what's wrong with the word that I 'boxed' out in red?? And again, this is a magazine that's meant for primary kids. And to think the editors can make a mistake even on such simple things, I really have doubts about the accuracy of the contents. and the more surprising thing is, this mag is endorsed by BBC!?

Found this on the web:
1. an apparatus for throwing an image on a screen, as a motion-picture projector or magic lantern.
2. a device for projecting a beam of light.

1. A semicircular instrument for measuring and constructing angles.

I wonder if I should write in to both publishers and 'wake' them up! They both obviously hv proofreaders and editors who've been sleeping on their job. Or maybe they've been so underpaid that they just can't be bothered to check. hmm.......

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Chemo started

Monday, 30 Jun - Dad went back to Nat'l Cancer Centre (NCCS) for pre-chemo CT scan and blood test. Pretty smooth process and all was done within 2hrs.

Tuesday, 1 Jul - Appt with Dr Tan E H at NCCS. He reviewed Dad's CT scan results and compared with the previous one done in April. Fortunately, there was no sign of any increase in the cancer cells in the lungs. However, some fluid retention was seen in his right lung. Though there is no cause for concern now, but will hv to be careful as it means more prone to lung infection. Dad was very excited to hear that there's no changes to the cancer cells. He kept asking me to confirm what he heard was right. Doc confirmed he can proceed to hv his first round of chemotherapy, then back to see him again at the end of the month. Pray all will go smoothly for Dad.

Today we went down to NCCS' Jasmine Suite for Dad's first chemo treatment. Dad looked a bit tense while we were waiting, even though he kept telling me he's fine. He kept 'comforting' himself by telling me that there're a lot of others 'suffering' the same fate as him. Many are even younger than him. So he's not alone, and we should not be too worried for him.

We waited for about 45mins before Dad's queue number was flashed. Accompanied him into the treatment suite. It's big, with individual 'cubicles' with recliner chairs, and a small area with a few beds. It's quite cosy and the staff are friendly. We were attended by this young nursing staff, Looi W T. A soft-spoken, bubbly young lady whom I find sounds a bit like Seth's gf, Joey, and looked a bit like niece Qian Hao. Dad agrees too! She was very patient and explained the procedure to us and advice us on symptoms to look out for, when to call for doc's advice and what precautions to take.

She proceeded to set the 'plug' for Dad, at the same time advising him what 'exercise' to do to prevent his veins fm collapsing after a few treatments. First she 'ran' some saline thru the plug, then she started injecting 2 medicine thru the plug to help prevent nauseas. Dad didn't feel anything fm these medications. Finally came the main 'dish'. It's a pack of 1560mg of Gemcitabine, connected to a machine and introduced into the blood stream at a speed of 650ml/hr. Sounds technical. Next time I'll take a picture of the machine. Dad felt a little bit of burning sensation at the beginning, then it became like ants biting (he described it that way). Nurse Looi quickly gave him a hot pack and laid it at his forearm where the drip was flowing in. It soothed the area and shortly after Dad said the ant bite sensation was gone. The pack of drug took about half hour to finish. The removal of the plug was done so gently and swiftly, we were out of the treatment suite within 5mins after the drip finished. She's good! Hopefully we'll get the same nurse again next week.

As we walked out of the treatment suite, I can feel the lightness in Dad's steps. It feels like a heavy burden was removed fm his shoulders. I guess he must hv been worrying and 'guessing' how the treatment will be like the past weeks. Now that he's gone thru the first session and things aren't as bad as we thought, the burden is off. He could even walk directly to the car park with us!

He requested for pork kidney mee-suah for lunch. So we fetched Mum, Drew and 4th sis & Fenru and proceeded to Tampines Mall for lunch. He seemed happy and was chatty during lunch. After we went home, he had some cough and then had a nap on the sofa till about 4+pm. When he woke up then he told me that he was quite breathless and coughing quite badly when we came back after lunch. But after the nap, he felt his chest 'loosened' and he's breathing better. so he guessed it must be the medicine that's working on his lungs already. Is this psychological?? or really the 'battle' has started betw the med and the cancer cells?? Whatever it is, it's good that he's thinking positively.

Anyway his appetite was still alright at dinner. And he was quite energetic and could stay up till about 9pm chatting with 3rd sis, BIL and Dehao.

Pray pray pray....pray all will be smooth and he'll hv minimum side effects fm the treatment. Pray pray pray pray..............