It's been seven days...

...since he stopped going out of his room.

Eating wise he's alright. Not eating as much as before, but still reasonable. His gum sores are 95% gone, though right side still hurts a bit. He can chew on softer meat/fish dishes already. He's now eating 3 main meals and a light snack in the afternoon.

He claims that his right thigh is 'sng' and he has not enough strength to go downstairs. But bro suggested to piggy-back him down on Sunday and he refused. Told him he had to at least walk around his room, or out to the study area, to exercise his legs so they'll strengthen. He just simply 'ok ok' when mum and I told suggested, but never did leave his recliner except for the loo.

His cough seems to hv worsen a little. He doesn't cough all the time, but whenever he coughs, it's so bad that he gags. Feels so painful and helpless whenever we see him cough. All I could do is ask him to take the cough syrup, but it's not helping much though.

but what worries me most is his silence. The usual smile is missing from his face, instead i see despair. I'm not sure if we made the right decision to let him try Tarceva. But I'm very sure he's resentful about the serious side effects that it has caused him. It must have been really terrible for him to feel this way. I'm feeling really bad about it. I dunno what to say to him, cant even bring myself to make small talks with him. I'm so afraid my emotions will overwhelm me when I start talking to him. All I could do is to stay around the study area outside his room. Be ready when he needs me.

昨天爸的老朋友，阿良，打电话告诉他自己患了喉癌。妈说他们聊了蛮久的。谈话间爸说，＂哎呀，现在能闭上眼睛就这么走了最好，那么受罪拖着有什么意思？＂

今早阿良又打电话来了，我又听爸说了同样的那句话。我脑子空白了。。。。