No mood for anything...

it's nearly a month since my last update. There has been thoughts and stuff to blog, but I was just not in any mood to write at all. Frankly, I am feeling very depressed. In fact I'm suffocating.
anyway, gonna just pen down some stuff which I've 'scribbled' on my hp over the last few weeks:

19 Aug
Called NCC to change scan and appt dates yesterday, but in the end the oncologist requested that we bring Dad into the walk-in clinic for a review. Brought him there and was seen by the MO on duty. Sometimes I hate seeing these MOs. They dun read the file records, and then we as patients, have to give them an account of what has happened over the weeks. Then each time, you'll see a different MO and have to repeat all over again! And the other thing is, they like to make sweeping statements based on their own observations, and not taking into account primary caregiver's explanation.

I nearly got into an argument again with this MO bcos he kept saying that there seems nothing wrong with Dad, and all his symptoms and condition were normal in any 80yo. I got so frustrated and told him off! Asked him how would he feel if his father was still walking faster than him few mths ago and now had problem even walking 3 metres to the loo? How would he feel if his usually chatty and positive father suddenly became quiet and lost the smiles on his face? I know I shouldn't have been so hostile, but sometimes we just have to insist to get our message across. At least that convinced him enough to contact the senior oncologist and got him over to review Dad's condition. In the end, the oncologist apologised to Dad for all the discomfort that Tarceva had caused. And gave him some gastritis medication to help sooth his tummy, and hopefully help him eat better again.

28 Aug
The swell on Dad's back is getting bigger. So I told his diabetic doc during his appt, and he decided to make an incision to remove the pus and any debris. After that he'll need to go for daily cleansing and re-dressing at the GP's clinic. While waiting to do the procedure, Dad seemed unhappy. He first grumbled about Mum's itchy fingers causing the swell. Then he lamented that I shd not have told the doc, then he didn't hv to go through all the hassle. But how can I not say? Does he expect me to leave it? With his condition, it might get worse and what if it becomes gangrene? My heart hurts when he sounded like I'm to blame for the ordeal. I'm feeling so weak.

29 Aug


Brought Dad to the GP to clean and re-dress his incision wound. This is the first time I saw his wound. Gosh! It looked bad...

He'll have to visit the GP everyday to clean and re-dress the wound till there's no more bleeding or pus. GP said there's not much debris inside, so it shd heal pretty fast. Keeping fingers crossed that it'll dry up soon.

3 Sep

have this recorded on my hp, but cant remember where I read it or did I come up with it myself??

"When a man truely loves a woman, he'll want to protect her and preserve her dignity in the face of the world."