Friday, 23 October 2009

16 October, Friday

635am - checked Dad's BP 150/89, pulse 150 and glucose 23.8. Still nausea and getting more breathless. Not a good sign.

930am - checked Dad again and his BP 146/86, pulse 159 and glucose 22.3. Convinced him that he needed to see the doc, then called NCC walk-in clinic and they suggested sending him directly to SGH A&E. Told him and he said I should call 大姐 to accompany us since I'll need to park the car after dropping him off at the A&E. Called 大姐 and she could only get to my place around 12noon.

940am - He was so breathless he needed the oxygen concentrator very frequently.

He looked so frail. My heart hurts.

1235pm - sent Nic to school. 大姐 called and said she's reached my place. When I reached back home, he was already downstairs, panting very badly on the sofa. He walked down the stairs all by himself when he heard 大姐's voice. Seeing him pant really scared me.

125pm - reached SGH A&E, and they wheeled him in for routine checks, and then into the emergency ward for oxygen. He was still able to talk then, despite being breathless.

220pm - getting very restless while waiting outside the emergency ward. Happened to turn around and looked into the ward and saw them wheeling him on a bed into the x-ray room. Felt slightly better seeing that he could still sit reclined and awake.

232pm - my phone rang and it's him. But I was shocked that he's lost his voice and I could not figure out what he was trying to say. I panicked and started asking for help from the nursing students and security guards there to please help me find him. They found him and told me he just wanted to tell me he's fine and doctor has seen him. But I'm not sure if that's really it....

3pm - a nurse came and told us that he needed to be warded. So 大姐 went to accompany him to the ward while I stayed behind to settle the admissions procedure.

415pm - went up to the ward and saw him. He was more breathless than earlier, and had to use an oxygen mask. His voice went totally hoarse and we had to guess what he was trying to tell us. When we guessed it wrong, he got irritated. We felt so helpless, and could only sit there and accompany him quietly.

430pm - Ward doctor came to see him. After checking him, he had a talk with me. Again he reiterated his deteriorating condition and suggested that we consider putting him in hospice care. His condition will get worse and we will not know how to react should emergency happen at home. And sending him to A&E all the time is not going to work either. I felt so lost.

450pm - 三姐 came to see him before heading to Pearl Centre for work. We tried to coax him to eat something and he agreed to have some milo. The nurses gave him some pills and morphine syrup. He didn't touch the porridge and carrot puree that was given to him.

515pm - 三姐 left for work. He started chasing us home. Told him that Mum wants to come and we'll wait there for her. He shaked his head and didn't want us to stay.

525pm - 四姐 called and asked about his condition. She was heading into the Turf Club to report for work, but felt uneasy, so called to check. Told her not to worry, he should be fine.

630pm - Again he chased us to go home. He looked irritated and I thought maybe he wanted to rest. So I suggested that we go for dinner first before returning to wait for Mum. He nodded his head. Asked if he wanted to eat anything, and he shook his head.

705pm - We returned to the ward. A nurse was trying to measure his BP. He looked like he's sleeping. Felt something strange when the nurse tried to get his BP reading from his calf when she couldn't read anything from his arm. My instinct prompted me to lean forward to have a closer look. He looked strange and I tried calling him but no response. Felt his face and it was cold and sweaty!! I went into panic and started shouting for him to wake up, please don't go! The nurse called for help. the doctor came, and they shoo-ed 大姐 and me to wait outside. Frantically we started calling everyone to come quickly.

720pm - the doctor came and told us to be prepared for the worst. His lungs seemed to be collapsing and his BP and pulse are very weak. They have put on a drip for him to push up his BP, but that may not last if his lung functions deteriorate further. So they suggested giving him another drug to reduce his breathlessness, so that he will be in a more comfortable state. We seemed to be left with no other choice. Doctor's final words, "..with these 2 drips, his lungs will probably keep him till tonight or tomorrow...." I couldnt hear what else she said......

730-1030pm - one came after another. He regained slight consciousness and was able to respond to what we said. Each time someone arrived, we will inform him and he will acknowledge with a nod. When we asked if he wanted some water or was he hungry, he briefly shook his head. His eyes remain half shut throughout, and continued to be breathing very hard. Finally when 四姐, last one, arrived, and we told him, he miraculously opened his eyes, took a last look and shut again after a couple of seconds.

1040pm - he waved both hands up and outwards, just like what he usually do when he 'chased' us to go home. We asked him if he wanted us to go home, and he nodded his head. He looked alright and seemed sleepy. So some thought maybe they could go back and have a shower before coming back to take over for the second half of the night.

1120pm - in the end, most left and only Mum, Charmaine, Seth, Raymond, Terence, Weiting and I stayed behind. Dad looked like he's fallen asleep. Mum insisted on sitting on the arm-chair beside him to keep watch. So Seth, Charmaine, Terence and Weiting stayed with her. While Raymond and I took a rest outside the ward.

12midnight - Seth came and woke me up. I got a shock! Then he said, nothing happened, just that Granny wanted me inside. Went in, saw Dad still the same as before, but Mum insisted that his breathing is slowing down. Asked the nurse to check and she said the reading is 22, which is still in safe zone. Not sure what reading was that, probably breathing rate?? But Mum still insisted that I must call brother back bcos we're losing him. Called brother and sisters and told them to come back to appease Mum.

1215am - came back into the ward after calling all of them. Dad's breathing pattern really changed! There're pauses in between and we started panicking and calling him to stay with us! Something prompted me to call 二姐 again and told her to rush down in a cab.

1220am - His breathing became so faint, we cant see it from the oxygen mask anymore. Nurses came in and took his ECG reading. There was still heartbeat, but faint. They left us surrounding him, sobbing away. Mum kept telling him, "wait for your son, he's coming. You've to wait for him." I held on to his hand, witnessing the colours fade away from the finger tips. I'm so scared, so afraid that we’re losing him. Suddenly, reality was setting in, we're really losing him!

1230am - 二姐 arrived. Mum kept saying that he's already gone. Although we kinda agreed with her, but we kept insisting that he's still with us and his body was still warm. Seth had his palm on his left chest all the time, and he knew there's nothing anymore.

1245am - Nurses came for another round of ECG reading. They didn't tell us anything, just left us to grieve by his bed.

1257am - doctor came and checked his eyes for any sign of response. Time of death certified at 0057hrs.
We lost our dearest Papa/Waigong on 17 October 2009, 0057hrs.

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