Don't ask me why I choose today. I also don't know. Probably it's exactly a week fm Dad's appt at Nat'l Cancer Centre. Probably it's long enough for him to digest the truth before seeing the doctor, but also short enough to cause the least pain? But whatever, it's definitely gonna cause him pain and worries. We're praying that he'll not go into despair.
We're taking the advice of the medical social worker which 4th sis and I met about 2 wks ago. We'll tell him it's tumour with some bad cells that doctor suggested using chemotherapy to treat it. It's a delicate task as we'll hv to observe his reaction and decide how much to divulge. Whether or not he'll guess the truth out of what we're gonna tell him. Tough job. Gonna be tougher than being a psychiatrist or counsellor. My mind will hv to go very fast, faster than Dad to guess what he'll ask and how to answer him. Thankfully 4th sis will be with me and we can 'cover' for each other when either one falls short of words or gets too emotional to talk.
Dad's cough has been getting worse. Even the cough mixture is not of much help now. Whenever the cough starts, he'll cough till his face goes all red and nearing gagging. Seeing him that way really cuts deep into my heart. Even in the middle of the night, I'll startle up fm my sleep when I hear his cough. I hate cough myself, and I know how uncomfortable it is. He just told me yesterday that the cough is getting worse and now when the cough gets too hard, he'll feel the pain in his abdomen muscles as he coughs. Dad, I wish I can relief all these for you with a magic wand. But I cant. I feel so useless.
Went to get additional supply of the cough mixture fm the GP yesterday. He was the one who first raised the suspicion over Dad's swollen lymph nodes in early April. Told him about Dad's diagnosis and consulted him on the need for second opinion. He told me the specialist, Dr Tan E H whom Dad will be seeing next wk was his classmate in medical school and has more than 15yrs of experience in oncology. He feels that Dr Tan is someone whom we can hv confidence in treating Dad. However, if we insist on having second opinion or alternative TCM treatment, we can still request for an additional set of all the CT scan films fm SGH. This way, Dad will not hv to endure going thru another round of all the radiative investigations. Will keep his suggestion in mind in case we need to seek alternative treatment.
anyway, keeping my fingers and toes crossed now. hope that everything will go smoothly when we talk to Dad this afternoon. Hope he'll take it well and stay positive and strong to face it. Dad, we'll all be behind you. Stay strong!