Monday, 27 July 2009

cough cough

Dad came down with 2 episodes of fever last Wed and Thu. Then on Thu evening he started panting. So on Fri brought him to our usual GP (who knows his condition). He did a thorough check and confirmed my fear. Dad had some water retention at the lower part of his lungs. Though the wheezing wasn't very prominent, with his long term condition, it could deteriorate quickly if not taken care of. GP gave him antibiotics and cough mixture. He advised that if his panting worsens, we'll hv to send him in to SGH A&E for admission.

Fri Dad looked really lethargic and couldn't even talk much without panting. After 2 doses of medication, he seemed much better before bedtime. Sat he was alright, very alert and lively. He kept saying that the antibiotic is very effective and he's panting lesser already. On Sunday, he wasn't lethargic but can see that he's panting whenever he talks for too long. Was quite frustrated when his hp kept ringing and he got to entertain those calls.

Thru the last few nights, his cough wasn't persistent. however, when it starts, it gets so bad that he sounded like he's gonna choke. Not sure if it's good sign that there's phlegm coming out as he coughed or not. I'm quite lost. But whenever he coughed and I asked him, he'd say he's fine, not panting much anymore. I'm not sure if he's really feeling better already, or he simply do not wish to go to the hospital. Guess maybe all the news about those H1N1 deaths and critically ill patients are casting some fear on him.

Now I'm hearing his cough again. Everytime he coughed, I feel the pain. I hated cough myself. I'm not afraid of any illness or surgery or pain etc. But I just hated cough. It can send you totally out of control of everything. YES, everything, including your tears, nasal discharge, saliva and even urine. I've gone to that extent before and I really hated it. Once I was in the recovery stage of some throat infection and suddenly started to cough in the crowded morning MRT. It got so bad that I had to rush out of the train and nearly threw up the moment I got onto the platform! so now I've this phobia for cough. Even hearing others cough makes me feel the effect.

Tomorrow is his appointment with his oncologist at NCC. We'll be reviewing his CT scan for his neck and lungs done last week. As much as I want to know how's his condition now, I am also afraid to hear the truth. He's had more growth around his neck and we all know what that means. I'm just afraid that we'll have to go through the process of deciding whether he should go on chemo again. I'm really not sure if his willpower is still strong enough to go through it again. I'm so scared.

Pray....pray for the best, and be prepared for the worst. been telling myself. sigh....


tudigua said...

He will get well.
We'll pray for him!

mummytay said...

I'm not trying to put u down. but we hv to be realistic and accept the fact. He's already in the final stage, there's no way for recovery. Medication is only to lessen his symptoms and buy him more time.

accept it. he has already accepted it.

tudigua said...

Ok. Lets hope he enjoy his life now.

Anonymous said...

Hi Carol

I lost my dad (due to cancer) 10 days ago..and I know how hard and painful it is to be at this stage – the start of the end – where we cannot do anything but to watch and wait..

Try to spend more time with him, let him eat whatever he desires, do whatever he wishes. If he has accepted his condition, do give him some personal space to sort out his thinking and plans. For my dad, we appreciated the help from NCC staff and Singapore cancer Society Hospice team. They could not cure my dad, but they certainly helped us in one way or another. Take care of yr mum as well..

树欲静而风不止、子欲养而亲不在 - I can't describe how much I miss my dad..everything is different now without him around..

mummytay said...

hi anonymous, thank you very much for yr support.